Welcome to My Nightmare

Not many people get to witness me go apeshit. In fact, I pride myself on being able to remain calm under most circumstances. Sure, I have countless little hang-ups and anxiety triggers...but over the last (almost) 34 years, I've nearly perfected the art of "hide your crazy" poker face.

There are two things, however, that make me lose my proverbial shit:

1) Injured animals (more specifically, animals being injured).
2) Birds.

(I can't really explain the bird deal. It's just a totally irrational mindfuck I've had since I was little. Let's just say I was not surprised at all about the Avian Flu pandemic -- been waiting for that filthy little ball to get rolling for the last two decades.)

Tonight, I was fortunate enough to come face-to-face with both panic inducers.

While reveling in our domestic bliss (Jenn taking out the recyclables, and I the trash), I suddenly heard a booming, "LOU!! No!!!" I whipped around in time to see two giant black wings beating furiously. Fantastic! A crow two feet away from me. It didn't WANT to be near me, and I'm sure it would have been happy to vamoose to accommodate my neuroses -- except for the Boxer jaws (and possibly paws) wrapped around his flailing body.

I'm not exactly sure what happened next because I was too busy squealing, screaming (like a girl, even), and then clawing my way through the front fence while Mama Jenn yelled, "Go, Sarah, Go!" She TOTALLY had my back.

Apparently Jenn was able to pry Lou off the bird before it got too National Geographic, and we watched the injured bird hobble around the backyard while its homies circled around making a ruckus. I, for one, suggested we let Lou back out to finish the job. (But then I remembered he likes to lick my face on occasion. I can't be getting all cuddly with him when he's got bird parts hanging off his jowls.)

It's two hours later, now...and the lovely (and I do use the term loosely) "Tina" from Animal Services came to save the day. She netted the little guy and took him away in her truck moments ago.

Anyone have a Valium?

--S